I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
