its not stalking. its research.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
