He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
