Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
