Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
