Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
