just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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