we made out on top of his cat.
this boner is exhausting
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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