After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
