Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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