i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
