I want to have your abortion
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize