somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
As shirtless as possible
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
