she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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