Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
