its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
