I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
