As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
