evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
