I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
