farters have to be the big spoon...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
