Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i was born a porn star she said
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
