Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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