Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
