You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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