then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
