My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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