hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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