i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
