is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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