Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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