Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
