Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize