stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
