Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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