just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
