Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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