I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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