Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize