Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
