I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
In America we eat man semen.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize