I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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