If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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