I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
