In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
