Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
