Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
