her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
BRING THE BAGELS
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
