I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
