Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
