Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
