Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize