I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
