not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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