you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
