Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the condom got lost in my hair
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
