I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
