I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize