a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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