You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
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