I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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