I CAN MOONWALK!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
