So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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