she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
