i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My life is pants optional.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
