I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
