u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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